With smiling eyes, she listened to me recount some of my favorite childhood memories growing up in her home, with her children. She couldn’t speak anymore with the tube from the respirator in her mouth, but she was alert and awake, and trying desperately to comfort us. Fragile as she was, I reached out to touch her hand and felt her warmth. I wanted her to know everything she meant to me, how grateful I was to have her in my life. How could I sum it all up with one conversation? Memories flooded back more quickly than I thought possible. Suddenly, I was three years old again, running around the house with her eldest daughter. I remember dashing through their backyard on Easter Sunday, eagerly trying to fill my basket with as many eggs as I could before they were all found.  I remember seeing her pregnant with her youngest daughter, as we threw her a surprise party in their house. I recalled the family trips we took together, reunions with their medical classmates from University of Santo Tomas in the Philippines. How many of these things I was able to tell her about out loud, I am not certain, but among all of these memories was a current of vitality - of this bright and vibrant woman whose strength reached out beyond just her core family and seamlessly spilled into mine. 

The nurses in the ICU walked in and out, continuously checking the monitors and trying their best to make her comfortable.  She looked at my mother, then my father and gave them a thumbs up, seeming to tell them that she was going to be fine. My father put his hand on his heart, and gave her the thumbs up in response.

I walked out of the room not knowing that this was probably one of the most important conversations I’ve had in my life. That those would be the last words I would ever be able to tell her.

The moon was a beautiful amber color in the sky the night she left us.  Although we couldn’t view it from Chicago because it was so cloudy, I was fortunate enough to have received an image from a photographer friend of mine. If you were standing on the moon that night, you would have seen the silhouette of the earth and surrounding it, the brilliant colors of the sun. This is what reflected onto the moon that night, giving it the amber glow as the light filtered through the earth’s atmosphere and onto the moon’s surface as the lunar eclipse approached. This eclipse intersected with the winter solstice (the longest night of the year) for the first time in over 370 years.

And so, on one of the rarest nights of the past centuries, this uniquely vibrant life left us.  And we were left in darkness.

Some astrologers say that this cosmic occurrence has something to do with this being a pivotal time in the Earth’s history, that the darkness flowing into further darkness has definite symbolisms. To me, it will always be a reminder that in complete darkness, the first sliver of light always shines the brightest.  A new life is beginning. It is a symbol, that where there is despair, there is even greater hope not too far in the distance.

Missing you dearly, Tita Cynthia. I will always carry you in my heart.

Image courtesy of the ever-talented Heather James from Princeton, NJ.

I woke up this morning feeling completely depleted. Forcing myself out of bed for an early morning meeting and dragging myself into the office, I felt like a hot mess.  In my haste to get out the door I realized too late that I had not dressed warmly enough. Thank God for the spare sweater I keep at my desk, I thought, patting myself on the back for my overpreparedness.

And not even two hours later, I had managed to put my sweater onto the bathroom countertop, where it immediately fell into the sink, the automatic soap dispenser squirting all over it. Three times.

As I washed my sweater in the sink, I burst into laughter at the way this day was unfolding. Because despite it all, I realized how good I had it.

I am thankful for this crazy busy life that is so full of wonderful moments. From the thoughtful friend buying me a gingerbread latte, to impromptu rides home on a rainy day.  From the amazing entrepreneurs I am priveleged to be surrounded by, to the hilarious memos that have been circulating around the office, to the clumsy accidents I seem to inflict upon myself. For complete strangers who tell me they love my boots, and the friends who I don’t see often enough who can pick up and continue right where we left off last time.

For the devilish grins I see on children’s faces when they discover something ‘cool’ for the first time. For the intriguing novels that I become absorbed in and the Pandora station that seems to capture the exact mood I’m feeling at the time. For the delightful, serendipitous moments that I am finding more and more often and for the delicious Tom & Jerry holiday drinks that leave me depleted the next day.  For the husband who strives to be so much more and the great things I see ahead of him.  For the overwhelming amounts of cuddling needed by my pup. For the ability to chase after the things I love and make them mine, I am grateful. Life is good. Not just good – incredible.

And, since this post is no good without a photo, here’s a shot I took with my iPhone a few weeks ago in the charming town of Princeton. Happy Thanksgiving and be sure to count your blessings!

Finally catching up on my blogging this weekend! Just sharing a few photos of our trip to Kauai a few weeks ago. Justin and I had been planning on going to Hawaii ever since I started my masters program four years ago and this was our trip to celebrate my graduation. Kauai was the perfect place to unplug, relax, sit on the beach and forget all about what homework was like.

We took a two-mile walk along the Napali coast and saw the most amazing views.

At the end of our hike we had lunch sitting on this gorgeous beach:

This one was on our hike to Queens Bath:

I have never seen a sea turtle before… this one was HUGE! I’m betting he was at least 40 pounds, and that is probably a conservative estimate.

There were so many pretty beaches in Kauai. This one was called Hideaways Beach in Princeville. It was walking distance from our hotel, and you had to climb down a steep path to get down there, but it was worth the trip. It was fantastic for snorkeling (for the record, it was the first and only time I didn’t get sick on a snorkeling attempt!)

Just a typical view when we pulled over at the side of the road. I’m not kidding, it was really that pretty everywhere.

On one of our last nights we took a sunset dinner cruise. The ship you see below had actually sailed to Kauai all the way from Maryland.  Any guesses on how long they must have been sailing?

Ahhh, this was simply paradise! Truth be told, I’m still a little freaked out by the free time I have now that school is done. But I guess it’s not a bad problem to have, is it?

I’ve had a couple weeks to soak it in… I was reeling after coming back from Santa Fe, after taking a workshop with Andrew Southam. If I could wake up every morning with a lesson in art history followed by a shoot with fabulous models in the afternoon, prepped by a world class makeup artist, I think that might be my version of heaven.  The Fashion Portrait at Santa Fe Photographic Workshops comes very close! 

Before I arrived in Santa Fe, I wasn’t sure what to expect from Andrew, being as accomplished as he is in his craft. In seeing his portfolio on his website, I could tell he’s worked alongside the best of the best in the industry and his work really resonated with me (ok, I’ll admit, it also intimidated me!).  I was happily suprised that when I met him in person he was just as lovely as he was on his blog, extremely humble and kind. He had a very organic approach to shooting, working with natural light and then using artificial light to enhance the image/concept. He kept reminding us to always look at what is motivating the light, and to always use that to decide how you will light your subject.  To me, he was the quintessential Hollywood photographer, the real deal. And the best part was he was really a great guy! (Side note: He shoots with his cowboy hat on. And has a killer Aussie accent. That must be the secret to his success.)

Being a natural light shooter, I’ll be the first to admit that using artificial lighting during the week made me feel a little bit like a deer in the headlights, especially at the beginning of the week. But I embraced the challenge. I did, after all, go out there to grow and I’ve learned the best way to do so is pushing beyond my comfort zone. On the first day the students photographed each other in the studio. I found myself in a stupor, staring at the grey backdrop, my classmate Ashley, and a pile of equipment and lighting and wondered how in the world I could find my style, myself, in all of this. It was overwhelming, and I thought I might fail. I did fail. Several times. But I kept trying!

Every morning we’d get together and for a lecture and review each other’s work from the previous day, then we’d go on location for a shoot. It truly was heaven for me (besides having to carry all that heavy gear around!). By the end of the week I was finally in my groove, feeling like my style was coming across (even in the studio, can you imagine?),  just in time to pack up and go home. I’m excited to keep at it!

Here are some of my favorite images from the week, in no particular order.

Now that I’ve had a few more spare moments than I’ve had in a long time…. I took some flower shots with the lensbaby this afternoon, just for fun. Hope you all are enjoying the weekend!

I woke up Monday morning in a panic. Like I had forgotten a homework assignment and was about to screw something up in a major way. I popped out of bed, checked my phone to remind me what date it was, and laughed at myself. Oh yeah. I graduated yesterday. There are no more assignments to do.

I guess it will take some time to sink in.

Yes, I will have downtime now. I forgot what that felt like!  Balancing my day job, photography, and grad school has left me in a constant state of trying to keep up for four years. What’s weird is now every day after work, I am so exhausted I just want to fall asleep on the spot, and I wonder how I ever had the energy to do it all. It’s like my body went on strike trying to catch up on the sleep deficit I’ve accrued over the past few years.

So, I am going to put my feet up and take it easy for a few weeks, and just enjoy this gorgeous weather and do the things I love.  And then I’m sure I’ll find something to fill up this ’spare time’.  I asked Justin if he thinks I should start learning to play the guitar but we came to the conclusion that the eukalali might be easier with my small hands… and we just so happen to be going to Hawaii in the not too distant future…. so who knows what other tricks I may have up my sleeve?

On a serious note, I have learned so much over the past four years, not just in school but from the many amazing people I am lucky to call my friends and peers. And there’s no way to sum it all up in one blog entry. But, for what it’s worth, I’m more inspired than ever to chase down my dreams and make them a reality.  And to never again wake up panicking over trivial assignments because I’m too busy loving every second of my life.

Today I’m breaking the radio silence. Yes, my blog is still alive and kicking! It’s been crazy lately trying to balance between work and school – and I’m at the homestretch! I graduate June 13th

So I thought I’d share something short and sweet (which aptly describes this little girl). I ran across these photos I took earlier this week of my adorable niece Victoria.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone! Do one thing that makes you feel like this:

My niece Valentina continues to amaze me daily. For the past few weeks she has been eager to remind me she is ”Two on May 2nd.” Really? Yes she can say that.

It’s hard to believe that not too long ago she looked like this:

And today, she  can identify a guitar, violin, flute, cello, banjo and clarinet (with GREAT articulation I might add!) as she points them out to me in her book. Prodigy child? I think so. And cute as a button to boot! Happy Birthday, little Valentina!

My parents have their house filled with beautiful details, that until recently, I never fully appreciated. I guess I’ve grown up with art surrounding me and never realized it. There are always fresh roses in the living room, which my mother uses as a prayer area where she prays the rosary often. There asian decorative plates, gold trimmed candle holders, gorgeous fabrics and paintings… Here they are with their cat Sugar (who was originally my cat that they stole from me!).

My very favorite. I love their expressions here. It’s how I always imagine them in my head.

Mom and Dad – I appreciate you so much more than you know. I love you with all my heart and have been blessed with the most caring people to raise me than I ever deserved.

And, just because I can, I also wanted to share a snapshot of my niece Valentina, who is quickly becoming quite the diva Happy Sunday!

I kept trying to come up with some gimicky theme for my first blog post of 2010 - my top 20 favorite photos of 2009, top 10 couples of 2009, etc.

Luckily, it’s my blog and I get to make the rules.

Instead of limiting myself to a certain number of photos that were my ‘favorites’, I’ll show you the ones that were special to me based on how they made me *feel* and how they’ve helped me grow personally. I learned more about myself than I ever have in a single year. There were extreme ups and downs, and each feeling was worth the experience because at the end of it, I came out a little wiser and I’d like to think helped build up a little character. They say you find a bit of yourself in every photo you take. I couldn’t agree more.

In 2009, I have felt pure exhilaration, trying things I’ve never attempted before:

I have felt that warm, fuzzy, innocent kind of wonder:

I have felt extreme loss:

And extreme faith:

I have felt imaginative:

And playful:

And sensual:

And colorful:

I have felt like a kid in a candy store:

…like I didn’t have a single care in the world:

And most of all, I have felt myself in love:

Thanks for reading my first post of the decade! If you like what you see, or even if you hated it, please let me know what you think and add your comments below. No matter what it is, I’d love to hear from you! Here’s to the start of an amazing new year!